We caught our first street level view of a TESLA on Sunday ironically while riding bikes to a Vegan restaurant in VENICE.  I almost crashed into a tree after breaking out in uncontrollable laughter as the scene was so typical LA as we were riding to dinner after attending a yoga/art class.  Now you have to understand that we often spend weekends on two stroke motorcycles and in the driver’s seat of high octane burning desert racing trucks.  Battling the laws of physics such as Force=Distance/Time resulting in frequent Emergency Room visits eventually gave way to speculation concerning theories on probability of personal longevity if such activities were continued.  Statistics always dictate our decisions as any question can be answered by mathematics.  Subsequently our weekends are usually spent riding bikes to surf, practice yoga or enjoy  a sunset.  As Blondie so eloquently stated, “…only a nobody walks in LA…” commuting and driving in Los Angeles can only be described as ridiculous with all 20 million inhabitants owning 1.2 cars which they seem to drive constantly judging by the traffic jam on Friday night at 11PM on the 405/10.  Though we are very conscious of the need for sustainability and the need to lower carbon emissions, our “Green Lifestyle” is just another example that altruism is ultimately directly linked to something self serving. 

We are far from Vegan though a growing percentage of our meals now qualify us as part time herbivores.  Low impact athletic activities and a healthier diet clearly improve aesthetics while sharpening cognitive abilities.  The bicycle as an alternative means for transportation also improves health and I dare say significantly lowers the stress from driving in Los Angeles which can best be compared to a virtual demolition derby.  If you will grant us further liberty with our prose and direction in this article, we reminisce back to the early 1990’s in San Francisco when we participated in a precursor to the “Flash Mob” crossed with an aggressive form of social protest.  This was Critical Mass.  For those of you unfamiliar, Critical Mass was a monthly form of protest in San Francisco where hundreds of bicyclists would converge on downtown San Francisco one Friday each month and ride in a chaotic, winding serpentine a half-mile long snarling traffic throughout San Francisco into gridlock.  Participating in Critical Mass was our first taste of postmodern social protest and at times thrilled though it quickly took on an ugly face as violent altercations eventually broke out between frustrated motorists and cyclists.  We had no idea at the time what the ultimate goal of Critical Mass was other than social disruption hopefully forcing motorists to consider using the vast public transportation resources available in the Bay Area.  In all honesty, the rush or high from riding shoulder to shoulder with other peddling eco maniacs was our true motivation.  Today our trips to San Francisco are spent dodging cyclists who now dominate the streets of San Francisco and this brings a thoughtful smile to our faces.  Now would Critical Mass work in Los Angeles and is it reasonable to commute by bicycle?  Sadly we are fairly certain that such a form of social protest would result in a “Ride By Shooting” and it is simply not possible to make traffic any worse in LA.  Additionally, commuting by bicycle is not yet a reasonable alternative in LA as public transportation is inefficient at best and most residents do not even know LA has a subway system. 

We know that unless you are in Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, New York or a handful of other developing enlightened metropolitan areas, commuting by bike or public transportation is not yet a reasonable option.  While making this concession, we implore you to try one salad a day and one errand by foot or bicycle a day for a month.  If your health and cognitive abilities do not improve then get in a V-8, accelerate 0-60 quickly as possible heading straight to McDonalds as the battle for Earth is clearly over.

As this is a financial column, we will get back to TESLA.  Lithium powered cars are actually very cool.  Now this opinion is tempered by our love for classic American muscle cars of the 60’s and the scream of high horse power engines.  There is something musical about a roaring V-8 with a 4-Barrel carburetor and headers blowing out huge pipes.  However, we have grown to love the quiet hum of the Toyota Prius, and even more the Lexus 400 or Chevrolet Tahoe Hybrid.  Comparing the two is like comparing Heavy Metal to a melodic symphony or a mosh-pit at a punk rock show to a picnic at a summer evening concert series at the Hollywood Bowl.  There is quite a rush burning the tires of a 500 HP V-8 roaring engine, but we have been struggling with the need for cacophony if in fact the TESLA can probably outperform most 60’s muscle cars we romanticize.  The only unfortunate reality is that the price point for most of the battery powered automobiles makes them a luxury item for those who shake their fists at our desert racing trucks.